So in my youth I bested some seriously difficult video games. And I’m not talking about the cuddly, cinematic hand-holding that passes for gaming these days. (And you kids get off my lawn.)
No, I’m talking about seeing the end credits for Bionic Commando. Battletoads. I’m talking about wrecking Blaster Master and the original Ninja Gaiden in one afternoon. I’m talking about making Mike Tyson weep every time I booted up his eponymous Punch Out. I could breeze through Wing Commander, Mega Man, Goonies… (Not Ghosts & Goblins though, I hated that damn game.)
And Super Mario? Please…
I spent entire summers doing speed runs through warp worlds with my little brother. We perfected the “turtle flinch” extra lives technique. Knew every secret. Every coin. Every shroom. Every star.
I thought I was good at Super Mario. You probably thought you were good at Super Mario.
We sucked at Super Mario.
See you Monday.