I Can Balance an Egg

I absolutely abhor imbalance.  Imbalance in any form.  When I see things that are unequal or somehow disproportionate, it causes me a quick bolt of mental pain.

I’m not kidding.

I get a very small electrical jolt in the brain when I see things that are asymmetrical.  The best way I can describe it is a mental “bzzzt!” that shorts out my senses for a moment, leaving me unable to focus on anything but equalizing whatever it is that’s out of balance.  (The jolt is almost painful when I notice someone’s clothing doesn’t match, but that’s a story for another time.)

See this?

unbalancedeggsYes, I have a Williams-Sonoma Spider-Man spatula.  You are allowed to convey your jealousy.

This freaks me right the hell out.  So much so that I’m unable to simply close the egg hatch and leave these poor misguided ovos to their right-leaning fate.  Just thinking about picking this carton up, and having it lean over to one side while carrying it back to the refrigerator?
Gives me a case of the jibblies just thinking about it.

So, I do this:


And all is right with the world again.

Sticks of gum?

unbalancedgumMother of God…

Now you’re talking.

I do this with pens in my desk, icons on my computer’s desktop, toiletries in my bathroom, anything and everything that can be equalized, must be so.  Hell, I even do it with words.  Alth/ough th/e/re a/r/e some/t/imes ex/t/ra let/t/ers th/at mu/st b/e segre/gated i/n or/d/er t/o bal/a/nce a wo/rd prop/erly.

Yes, my head can be a busy place.

I like to think this is attributable to the many games I’ve played that have fallen into imbalanced disrepair, and subsequently frustrated the hell out of me.  (Holy Priests in WoW, Orks in 40k, Monks in EQ, Jace in M:tG, etc.)

But it could very well be that I just suffer an occasional tincture of madness.

Your call.  Just as long as it’s proportional.


2 Comments on “I Can Balance an Egg

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