These dogs, man…  These dogs.

So the newest trend in our house has been for Daphne to burst into inconsolable tears every time Alex barks.  And for those of you who haven’t met Alex, this occurs roughly every 20 minutes.

Alex is nervous.
Alex is loud.
Alex is insane.

“Tiny robot lumberjacks. Hiding everywhere.  Do not worry; I protect us.”

Although I’m not sure if Daphne’s response is due to the initial bark, or my loud retorts of, “ALEX, SHUT THE HELL UP!”
It’s quite possible that I’m as much to blame for her tears as Alex.

“Your face delicious.  I skin you and wear it?”

So Alex barks.
I yell.
Daphne cries.
And then there’s Jib.

 “Please.  Stop the hate.”

Poor Jib either disappears upstairs when all this is going on, or he just cowers on his bed.

“You need to get a grip.  We’re all too old for this nonsense.”

So this morning I did my usual angry responses to Alex’s barking, but in a soft, dulcet, cooing voice.

“Alex, I’m going to remove your larynx and use it as an eyepatch.”
“Did you know they serve bosintang at the local Korean restaurant?  I’m taking you there.”
And my personal favorite:

You should know, now that I’ve said all this, that I do love our dogs.

Very much.

But there are times, like this morning when the landscapers were doing their thing and the incessant barking kept Daphne from napping, where I would’ve paid any amount of money for a doggie mute button.

j.s.