First and foremost, some video evidence of the aforementioned baby monitor debacle:
Now, on to yesterday’s nonsense.
So Wednesday is tai chi day for me, however I’d completely forgotten to pack a change of clothes before I left for work. So I stopped at Academy on the way there and picked up some suitable attire, then plodded through the remnants of I-10 rush hour traffic in order to make it to class by 7:30. And the class was going quite well. There were only 3 of us, and we’re all in decent shape, so the instructor was able to push us a bit which was nice.
And then, once we’d finished doing form, we began our post-class meditation. We all lied down on our backs, our arms languid at our sides, and the instructor told us that he was going to play a song for us, and that we should pay close attention to the words as they were “very important.”
Then a horrible and hauntingly familiar 90’s keyboard sound filled the room, and I had just about enough time to think, “No. That can’t possibly be-”
And then I heard it…
Yes, they played, “The Greatest Love of All,” during tai chi class.
And as I lay there on the floor, feeling utterly ridiculous, I contemplated simply standing up, walking out, and never returning. But I amused myself instead by thinking of Sexual Chocolate’s version, and tried not to laugh.
Yet somehow, it got worse from there.
Our instructor then told us to begin talking to our soul, and had us repeat after him variants on the following:
“Hello soul! Hello soul! Hello soul!”
“How are you today, soul?”
“I love you, soul.”
‘I am strong!”
“I am beautiful.”
“My soul is strong! No matter what people say!”
That’s about how I felt about it too.
Anyway, I downed my popcorn-flavored Keurig tea on the way out, had a quick dinner at VertsKebap, then walked back to the Juke and hit the ignition…
And got nothing.
So I put in a call to AAA and, after about an hour, they came out and jumped the car so I could drive home.
And when I get home I found that Alex had somehow re-injured his surgically repaired knee and is in so much pain that he’s refusing food/treats. (He’s doing a little better this morning, so we’re keeping a hopeful eye on him.)
Thankfully, the Juke started this morning without incident, and I drove it directly to the Nissan dealership to have the battery replaced and get it inspected.
Alas, the service agent explained that they can’t do both at the same time, because removing the battery resets all the sensors in the car and they need at least 30 miles of readings for it to pass inspection.
Fine. Just replace the battery then.
He assures me that’ll be no problem, and writes up my ticket before he takes off for his lunch.
Fast forward one hour, after he’s returned from lunch and I’ve walked almost a full circuit around Katy Mills Mall. My phone rings.
“Uh… I have bad news.”
“We don’t have any batteries.”
“We’re all out of batteries. We’re waiting on a shipment that should be here later this afternoon.”
“Define, ‘later this afternoon.'”
“I’m not sure. You should probably just pick up your car and try again tomorrow. Do you want to borrow some jumper cables?”
“No. No I do not.”
So I walk back to the dealership, pick up the car which is now starting with minor effort, and drive to work. And I’ve got to do it all over again tomorrow.
There are indeed worse things that could happen, so it’s easy to be in good humor and keep these sorts of things in perspective. Although I’ll tell you this… Once the remaining 5 tai chi classes that I paid for are finished? I’m totally done with that place.
I’ll go find the local Shaolin temple or something, where I’m guaranteed to never have to endure Whitney Houston during class.