Baby First, Father Second
I’ve spoken at great length about the amount of Baby First that’s on the television in our house. That channel is on so often that I can tell what time of day it is depending on which show they’re playing. (And each show is about 3 minutes long.)
Today I’m feeling a bit slighted by them.
You see, for Mother’s Day, they did this godawful lip sync/karaoke campaign, which ran during EVERY SINGLE COMMERCIAL BREAK.
This song makes me want to cement my eustachian tubes.
And for Father’s Day we get…
4th of July ads.
Thanks a lot, Baby First.
I mean, we haven’t reached Clorox ad levels of offensive, but it’s yet another a small reminder of just how unimportant dads are supposed to be.
Oh, you didn’t see the Clorox ad? I guess that’s not surprising, given how quickly they pulled it down. (It’s even been removed from Google’s caches somehow.)
6 Mistakes New Dads Make
Saying ‘No-no’ is not just for baby. Like dogs or other house pets, new Dads are filled with good intentions but lacking the judgment and fine motor skills to execute well. Here are a few dangerous no-nos new Dads might make, and some training tips.
1. Forgetting weather gear: About 10 minutes into a cold, brisk, rain-soaked stroller walk he might ask himself ‘why is this baby crying so much?’ Then, he might notice the short-sleeved summer onesie Li’l Peach is dressed in and it might dawn on him to bundle that baby.
2. Backwards clothes: Ok, so the clothes might be clean. But is it baby’s jumper fitting oddly? he might notice but he’ll probably think it’s just the style the kids are all wearing. Better educate him that for safety purposes, hip-hop fashions should wait a couple of years.
3. Inappropriate screen time: Does an infant really need to watch reality shows? For that matter, does anyone? Prudence won’t stop Daddy from relaxing with a brew and blaring inappropriate shows while baby stares in horror/awe/wonder at the colorful moving yell-box. Tell Dad to embrace parental sacrifice and crack a book.
4. Forgetting to wipe (face): Baby can’t be blamed for eating like a spastic Harlem Shake dancer. But Dad can be blamed for not noticing the caked-on layer of dried yellowish crust (applesauce? sweet potato? Play-Doh?) surrounding Baby’s mouth and spattered baby food onto her bib.
5. Letting baby eat off floor: If a toy or bit of dried food falls onto the floor, it should really be washed off before baby puts it in his mouth. If Dad is the type to eat food off the floor himself, you have your work cut out for you. At least get him to enforce a 5-second rule.
6. Casino: Some new dads have been inspired by raunchy comedies to bring babies to inappropriate places like casinos, pool halls, and poetry readings. None of these places are healthy for baby. If Dad needs persuading, just tell him that babies are terrible tippers and can never make bank shots.
Hopefully, your new Dad will learn to exercise good judgment in time for baby 2.
Yes, that was really on their website.
“Like dogs or other house pets?” Nice. I guess you moms out there should just be happy that we’ve learned not to chew your shoes and crap on the floor.
Although, it does occur to me that I might be looking at this whole BabyFirst thing the wrong way…
I mean, at least they didn’t make another song.