BumbleDad

Naturally, I read quite a few other “dad blogs.”

I have about 15 of them in my RSS Feed Reader.  But lately there’s been something bothering me about the majority of them and, at the risk of alienating my padre peers of the pen, I’m going to talk about it for a moment.  And in doing so, probably torpedo any chance of becoming a full-time blogger myself.

It really bugs me that every one of these guys is for sale.

WILL BLOG FOR FOOD

I say this because nearly every post that shows up on the “big name” dad blogs out there is sponsored by someone.

Wyndham Rewards offers free hotel stays.
MasterCard provides free tickets to sporting events.
Macmillan Publishing gives them free kids’ books.
Target pimps them out for back-to-school stuff.
Kia lends them free SUVs to use for road trips.
Carnival gives away week-long family cruises.
The list goes on and on.

Look, I get it.  Companies are offering complimentary products and fathers are simply taking them up on it.  So the dads get to do what they love doing (blogging), and concurrently take care of their family.  Who gets hurt?

[[This image removed due to copyright.]]

You know…for kids!  

To be entirely honest, I don’t have a good answer for you.  I guess no one?

But something about it just doesn’t sit well with me.  It feels like they’re commoditizing fatherhood.  And in doing so, they turn their kids into unwitting little puppets for online corporate theater.

I mean, after receiving a complimentary week’s stay in the Denver Hilton, are you really going to mention the rude guy at the front desk?

“Yeah?  I’ll tell you where you can put your goddamn pillow mints…”

No, he’ll become part of a glowing review of their staff’s efficiency and hustle.

Pool closed? 

“Hilton shows their remarkable attention to the safety and health of their guests.“

Lingering scent of stale ganja smoke in your room?

Twitter user “PHatNuGZ420” here just checked out this morning.

They’ll praise the hotel’s “local authenticity.”

Now bloggers handwave all of this by including a canned disclaimer at the bottom of each page where they admit to being “compensated” for their review of whatever product they’re using their kids to shill.   “But!” they all quip, “the opinions stated are entirely my own!”

The thing they don’t mention is that by “own” they mean those opinions have already been purchased, and they’re owned by someone else.

Okay, I think that’s enough self-righteousness for one Friday.

I’ll see you guys on Monday.

j.s.

So I had this thing with Cookie Butter for a while.

For the uninitiated, Cookie Butter is exactly what it sounds like.  Gingerbread cookies, but mashed and emulsified into the consistency of peanut butter.  I first heard about it on a DOTA podcast, of all places, and I randomly decided that I had to taste this fabled substance for myself.

I found some at the local Trader Joe’s and, to give the devil their due, it was pretty damn good stuff.   But I also noticed that they were rationing jars of it.

Hmmm…

Naturally, my ‘Murican mind starts to wonder how I might capitalize on a thing that’s in high demand, but has a low supply.  So I go home and start working on creating my own cookie butter.

I do a bit of research.  Find a few recipes online. And get to destroying a kitchen in a way that only I can.  I even go so far as to purchase cookiebutter.com in an entreprenurial frenzy.

But, instead of the delicious and creamy texture that’s so delectably evident in the first picture, mine ends up coming out the consistency of pulped lamb jerky.

Mmmm…  Gritty.

Here’s theirs.

Here’s mine.

Theirs.

Mine.

This failure sets off a chain reaction where I start haranguing every family member that’s a better cook than I am (which is, essentially, all of them), about how they might go about making this stuff.  I get lots of suggestions and I try each and every one of them.

Sadly, they all end up the same way.

    

Nasty.

So I put aside my dreams of becoming the Cookie Butter King of Chicago, and forget about the whole thing.

Until this week.

Monday, I received an email from GoDaddy Auction Services asking if I’d be interested in selling my website, cookiebutter.com, for $550.

I ponder this for a moment.  I mean, it’s not like I’m doing anything with it…
And it is costing me $15 per year to renew it…  (Along with this site, daphneshaw.com, frqnc.com, tweetlebeetle.com, and several others.)  So I make up my mind to go ahead and sell it.

I counter back with $2,500.
They volley.
I haggle.
Back and forth we go.

And today, we finally settled on $2,000 cash.

It does occur to me that the purchaser is likely to be Trader Joe’s corporation, or Speculoos themselves, and I probably could’ve milked this thing for way more cash.  But considering I spent a grand total of $50 on the domain, I think I’m comfortable walking away with a $1,950 profit.

Hmm.  I wonder what someone will give me for smokinggnu.com?

j.s.

[That title will make little sense to those of you who don’t speak PC, but IRQ translates to “Interrupt Request.”]

I got a call at 7:15 this morning informing me that half of our office had lost network connectivity.  Turns out that one of our workhorse switches, in place since I built the office network, died in its sleep last night.  (I’ll pour one out for him once everyone goes home for the day…)

So I slapped some deodorant on, ran a toothbrush over my teeth, hurled some food at the dogs, and emergency launched out the door.

2 hours + a replacement switch later, and the network has been restored to functionality.

Go go IT Team

However the semi-professional cable management scheme that I had going became a casualty in the battle of, “get everyone up and running as quickly as possible.”  Which means it’s going to be a long Friday afternoon as I sort all those cords back to some semblance of cohesion.

Anyway, as a result of all this I don’t have a lot to cover today.  So instead I’ll point you toward another app that you may or may not have seen.  It’s called Prisma, and it filters the photos on your phone into some pretty incredible artwork.

Take for example, a photo I took of the rat’s nest that my network cables have become.  Here’s what some of the Prisma filters have done to make me feel a little better about it.

  

That helps.  A little.

It also enhanced one of my favorite shots of my daughter…

Insta-impressionism.  Pretty awesome.

Anyway, it’s worth checking out.  See you tomorrow.

j.s.